My name is Cecelia, and I'm a huge fan of your art! I went to a couple of your shows in the Akron, Cleveland OH areas, I think you're great! Anyhow my question to you is, I just turned 27 on 4/29 and have been single two years now. Due to situations growing up I had to overcome self-love issues, and put up with some toxic relationships in the past. Now that I'm at a place where I love focusing on myself, friends,and family, I feel so opposite to how I used to, coming from a place where I felt I needed a man to now having a, get with it or get lost type attitude (lol) but seriously I feel like I require a lot because I have a lot to offer as a woman. At 27 I feel like I'd stay happily single before I settle. Do you think that there is an age where settling is an option? Just curious.
First thing, thank you so much for your support of my work. I hope you enjoyed yourself. Second, I am so proud of the steps you have made as a woman, dealing with self-love and assessing your worth! Congratulations! You have completed phase 1. Now phase 2 begins. You are looking for your match. Settling to me is never an option. Why? Because who said that along with your birth certificate there was a marriage certificate? Statistically speaking, more than 200,00 women are going to die this year without ever being married. Does this make their life any less successful? I know how bad people want love, the idea of it sounds so beautiful. What you must first understand is that it is not a right, it is a privilege. Thinking this way, will make you more appreciative when it actually comes, because it didn’t have to. In terms of asking yourself how long is too long to wait - My answer is, when you get it right.
Now here’s the thing, unless you are willing to use technology and medicine to your advantage, there is a biological clock that ticks on the inside, that may make it difficulty to wait too long, especially if you want a family. What is more important to you, a family, or the family? At 27, I think you still have time to achieve your goal on your own, but it may require more work from you in the beginning. So instead of figuring out if now is the time to “settle” figure out if now is the time to “work harder”. Meaning more dates, more men, more effort, with finding your king. Remember that nothing will work until you do. Keep up the great work, and let me know how the process is going.
I love you.
How do you cope when your best is not good enough? I'm a 37-year old female unable to have children. I know for a fact that this hinders my relationships, other than the fact I've had some bad ones. I know my king is out there but what man wants a woman who has been labeled by society as damaged goods?
Thanks for reaching out. I appreciate you message. I feel like you aren’t the only woman who gets put in a position where she begins to question her worth. You asked me “how do you know when your best isn’t good enough?” My question is: good enough for who exactly? Under no circumstances are you to EVER question your value to someone, based on what God and life has already planned for you. You being a woman, you being 37, and you not being able to have kids, are all reasons, why SOME men would find it difficult to be with you. When you put all three of these things together, it makes the job three times as harder, and also shrinks the list of candidates by 3 times. But remember Rhonda. All you need is ONE! Society is going to TRY and label you as everything from “washed up” to “damaged goods” to whatever else they may come up with in an attempt to mark a package that they haven’t opened. It is up to you and only you, to apply this label to your package.
Your king is out there for sure. Now he may be a man who also can't have kids, he may be a man with some children already. The only question is are you doing your best at finding him, or making yourself available for him to find? I have had people walk away from me, because I was too much of something, or not enough of another. It makes no difference, because anyone who isn’t “the one” is just the one in the way.
The longer you keep referring to yourself by society's labels, the longer you will remain society's prisoner. Change your thoughts, change your life.
I love you.
I don't even know where to begin and I don't even know if this question will reach you. But I just want to know "What is wrong with me?" What's my Worth? I've turned into the girl that's good enough to have sex with but not be committed to. I would always think maybe I'm not pretty enough. Maybe I'm not smart enough. I would meet guys and they would all tell me how great of a woman I am, but the end result would never be commitment. After dealing with me, they would seem to get into relationships and that would kill my self esteem a little more.
I would always wonder "What did she do that I didn't?" Or "What does she have that I don't?" A few would even hit me up after they get in relationships because they would want sex. I would give it to them too because I would think I had the upper hand and that they still liked me, but I realized that it wasn't about them liking me, it was about me being convenient. I'm tired of being convenient Mike. I want to be more than that with someone. All my friends say I should just take a step away from the dating scene for a while because I'm always the one who ends up getting heart. But Honestly, I'm scared of being alone. I've never not had someone. Ever since my Mom passed away, there has always been a guy occupying space in my life. I'm scared I'll self destruct if there's no one there. What's wrong with me?
Your message has reached me, and I am glad that it did. First things first, only you can calculate your worth. I could never do that for you. I can help though. How do you calculate it? First you must be alone. Not for a day or for a week. You must live with yourself. Long enough that you fall in love with yourself. You will notice that the best way to set a bar for others, is to try and make yourself as happy as you can without the need for someone else. This should keep you occupied for the better part of a year. You have to do a better job of knowing who you are, so that you can have a much better chance of finding someone to compliment you. Most people seek love out of loneliness, not out of match-making; what you’ll notice is that it only makes the overall agenda harder to achieve. Anyone can fill a loneliness void almost immediately. I challenge you to find a better “reason” to invite men in your life.
This will also help you with your commitment issues. Once you set this bar high enough, you will notice that you will require more. Please keep in mind that we live in a time where men have access to “easy” women, that won't require as much work. This isn’t your problem, but you will notice how requiring more, will make less men an option. But since you are now so busy loving yourself, you will notice that you don’t even have the time to entertain the bull shit.
It is a mistake to compare yourself to other women. Especially how other men view other women. You are one of one. You are too one of one to ever be number two. So my advice to you is to let some things miss you. Whether it be people, or opportunities, even sex. Your body is too sacred to be throwing it at men that don’t want to catch ALL of you.
I know you may miss your mother, I can not even begin to understand what you are going through, all I can say is that while she may not be close enough to yell at you, she still watches everything you do. So your goal must be to make her proud with every day, and every decision.
I love you,