Dear Mike... I don't even know where to begin and I don't even know if this question will reach you. But I just want to know "What is wrong with me?" What's my Worth? I've turned into the girl that's good enough to have sex with but not be committed to. I would always think maybe I'm not pretty enough. Maybe I'm not smart enough. I would meet guys and they would all tell me how great of a woman I am, but the end result would never be commitment. After dealing with me, they would seem to get into relationships and that would kill my self esteem a little more.
I would always wonder "What did she do that I didn't?" Or "What does she have that I don't?" A few would even hit me up after they get in relationships because they would want sex. I would give it to them too because I would think I had the upper hand and that they still liked me, but I realized that it wasn't about them liking me, it was about me being convenient. I'm tired of being convenient Mike. I want to be more than that with someone. All my friends say I should just take a step away from the dating scene for a while because I'm always the one who ends up getting heart. But Honestly, I'm scared of being alone. I've never not had someone. Ever since my Mom passed away, there has always been a guy occupying space in my life. I'm scared I'll self destruct if there's no one there. What's wrong with me?
Dear Aliyah, Your message has reached me, and I am glad that it did. First things first, only you can calculate your worth. I could never do that for you. I can help though. How do you calculate it? First you must be alone. Not for a day or for a week. You must live with yourself. Long enough that you fall in love with yourself. You will notice that the best way to set a bar for others, is to try and make yourself as happy as you can without the need for someone else. This should keep you occupied for the better part of a year. You have to do a better job of knowing who you are, so that you can have a much better chance of finding someone to compliment you. Most people seek love out of loneliness, not out of match-making; what you’ll notice is that it only makes the overall agenda harder to achieve. Anyone can fill a loneliness void almost immediately. I challenge you to find a better “reason” to invite men in your life.
This will also help you with your commitment issues. Once you set this bar high enough, you will notice that you will require more. Please keep in mind that we live in a time where men have access to “easy” women, that won't require as much work. This isn’t your problem, but you will notice how requiring more, will make less men an option. But since you are now so busy loving yourself, you will notice that you don’t even have the time to entertain the bull shit.
It is a mistake to compare yourself to other women. Especially how other men view other women. You are one of one. You are too one of one to ever be number two. So my advice to you is to let some things miss you. Whether it be people, or opportunities, even sex. Your body is too sacred to be throwing it at men that don’t want to catch ALL of you.
I know you may miss your mother, I can not even begin to understand what you are going through, all I can say is that while she may not be close enough to yell at you, she still watches everything you do. So your goal must be to make her proud with every day, and every decision.