I hope this email reaches you. My name is Franceska, but everyone calls me Frankie. I'm a 20 year old (until Dec 31) who just read 'Dear Woman' and was truly inspired. There were so many things that I could relate to, some that were warnings for me, and others that I never really thought about until I read your book.
Personally this came at a time in my life where I really want to make a lot of personal changes, including how I deal with relationships.
Although I'm only 20, I've dealt with a lot of unfortunate events that are deeper then could be explained in a brief email. I'm working towards breaking habits that were forced upon me & I really would like some of your advice.
Leaning to love myself is difficult but it's something I'm really working on. The patience I have with myself is very little and I'm struggling to understand myself. I would like to know from your perspective what loving yourself at this age would look like? I also identify with the woman you described as having two souls, I see myself raising a lot of the people I've been with / attracted to. Part of that are usually my friends, and I'm the best friend who shows boys to be men. What I'm finding in that is that I'm always friend zoned and I'm always fighting to be more than just a friend. Finally dating, what should I do? I've promised myself and a mentor that I wouldn't be in a committed relationship until I'm totally done with school but I don't know what to do when it comes to dating? I went on my first date at 19, and even with that things went into a different direction.
I know that you're busy & you're by no means my therapist, but please consider your advice as a birthday gift to help build a young lady into a woman. This would really mean a lot to me and be really helpful in my growth. I'm also willing to answer any background questions you might have to help give specific advice. Please be totally honest, it will stick with me.
Much love, Frankie
I'm sorry for the delay in getting back to you. Happy Belated Birthday!
I'm glad that "Dear Woman" meant so much to you. I put my heart into that book. I'm also glad that you are taking the steps to love yourself first. You will find that once you do this, the rest of you life will be a lot easier to live. Once you find out who Frankie is, you will also understand who you aren't. This goes a long way in trying to figure out who your friends are. You will never be able to tell who is for you or who is against you, until you know who you are.
Loving yourself at 21 looks like fun. It looks like Discovering Frankie. It looks finding new restaurants, new nightclubs, new museums, in new cities, states, and countries around the world. Its laying down the foundation for how people are supposed to treat you, and how they are supposed to love you. First you must discover what makes you happy, what makes you happier, and also what makes you not so happy. This is a treasure hunt for the jewels to your crown. Happy hunting, and let me know what you come up with,
Peace and Love Queen.
Dear Mike, My name is Leah.
I've heard that a stranger listens the best, because they don't know you to truly judge you. After reading all three of your books and patiently awaiting the boyfriend book, I have finally realize I'm selling myself short. Way shorter than I realize, I never understood how much of a hold one person could have on your heart. Sometimes as humans I wish we could just turn on feelings off, that way we can keep from hurting ourselves or being hurt by someone else. I really hope that I am able to purchase tickets to for the boyfriend tour. Since your not doing one your home town LA is the one I want to go to. Finally get back to the west coast and get away from some responsibilities for a weekend. The reasoning for my email is to ask you from a mans point a view, when you tell a woman that you are trying to do more for yourself and get your life together. But you still wanna have contact with her and telling her you miss her and still love her. Everything is still the same as in the relationship your just not together. How do you expect her to feel and react to that bit of knowledge. Am I wasting my time, I don't have the slightest idea on what I should do anymore. You seem like you give some of the best advice, so I really can use some. You can always give advice but never take your own.
Sorry for the delay in getting back. I hope all is well with you. I'm glad you emailed me about this because it is a question that will help a lot of women. First you have to understand that some of the people can have all the love in the world for you, that they just can't do anything with. This is a truth that your are going to have to walk with, even after you leave some people where they are. How is this possible? Because to have love for someone doesn't not require action, just a feeling. To prove love however, you must put forth the effort. This is where some men find it a little difficult to progress. This puts women in a bit of a "pickle". This makes a woman feel like they are asking for too much, or they are not understanding of a mans feelings. If you give the wrong guy too much power, he can use it against you. Lets make sure we aren't doing that. A lot of women struggle with doing whats best for love, and doing whats best for them. What I need you to understand is that in order to fully achieve real happiness, these two feelings must operate together. And when they don't, you must always pick you. Especially when we are talking about boyfriends. I would go into a little more detail but i might be giving away some of the secrets of "The Boyfriend Book." I hope I helped a little at least. As far as wasting time, I cant really say. All I can tell you is that when you put all your eggs into one basket, you better have at least one hand on the handle.
Hope to meet you soon. Be well.
I am writing you to see if you could give me advice.
I've known the father of my son for about 7 years. We have been in a rocky relationship since day (one). On and off a lot and he ended up having two children on me. My son is only one year old and his youngest child is only a few months younger then our son.
I care for him a lot, but not sure if it's love still. I am a great woman to him. I never cheated on him or had any other man in my life besides him. I provide for him like any woman should and I ask for nothing but respect and attention in return. He claims to want to be with me and marry me but he can't even tell his baby mom that he wants to settle down with me.
I know it sounds crazy and to be honest, I know the answer to all of this but for some reason I can't let go for good, as if there was something keeping me by his side. In those off times, I am still handing a helping hand with whatever the problem may be at the time.
His whole family loves me and we are very close. He don't seem to realize what he has in front of him (me) and I know his taking me for granted and I'm tired of it.
I need advice from a male perspective. What can I do to either make him realize how good of a woman he has or get him out of my life.
Anything you have to say will help me.
Thank you, Jen!
Thank you for writing me. Congratulations on the birth of your baby. Hopefully you son is happy and healthy.
First things first, the most important person in your life now is that baby. And you have to start making decisions for yourself that will be in the best interest of the both of you. This means keeping mommy around positive vibes only. I know you probably already know that, but it is always good to remind you. =)
I noticed in the beginning of your letter that you said you weren't sure if it was love or not. I've been there too. What I learned was that I can have a whole lot of love for people I could never see myself with again. And it is not about me hating them, its not about having somebody new, its about Justice. The definition is: just behavior or treatment.Meaning treating yourself right, it means doing what is right for yourself, if it it means being by yourself. Sometimes this is hard thing to do when it forces you to remove some people from your life that you thought were going to be around forever. But just like victims of robberies and assaults deserve Justice, so do good people. So get your justice. And you cant worry about who wants to stay, or who wants to go. Its about you. For once, just your feelings, your expectations, your happiness. If you always put that first, you will begin to stop worrying about who is for you, who is against you, and who wants to walk with you, because you will already have the most important person on this journey. I wish i could tell what you could do to get him to realize how amazing you are. But i cant. All that i can say is that when things don't add up, may the first thing subtract be yourself.
Take care queen.
Hello Mike, I'm Monique
I am in need of some advise from a wise man that has such an amazing kind hearted soul. I have been following all of your words from your books and watched you in your love and poetry tour in Toronto. I'm totally a huge fan and I'm so touched how you've help me go through my issues in life. So for further more I need to ask how do I explain to a man that I've went out with for 4yrs that what he is doing is not good for neither of us. I found out he cheated and it took a couple of yrs for me to fully tell him goodbye. Its been over years now but we still haven't left each other site. He would pop up out of the blue and want to come see me but for the wrong reason . I know it's totally wrong but he doesn't seem to have no care in the world what he is doing. I've asked him about a girl he is "currently" with and he tells me "she's not my girlfriend." But I know for a fact they are together. How do I explain to him fully without no fights how to stop what we are doing and for him to come with the truth. Its such a long story with us and I don't hate him. I care for him but it's not the same anymore nor healthy for neither of us. I thank you for your time and hope to hear from you soon .
God Bless, with love
Hope all is well. Thank you for coming to my show in Toronto. I can not wait to come back. Look for me to be there with my new tour this summer.
Four years is a long time. It is even longer when the person you love doesn't love you like they are supposed to. If over the last four years, to best of your ability, you tried to convince, motivate, argue, and bargain with this man to love you accurately, and that has not been accomplished yet. I doubt it ever will. So I say, we are done talking. Your tried to make it work, you tried to talk it out. Its time your try leaving. And this doesn't have to be done loudly. You just have to find the courage, find the day, where you realize that any man that cant love you, must miss you. So from now, you have to let your absence do what your presence never did: Make people realize that there is a standard that must be lived up to if they desire to have someone like you in their life. So so since he cant appreciate Monique, he doesnt respect Monique, give him a taste of Missing Monique, and see what that does.
Best of Luck,